Lowball Claude
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Procurement, frontier style

Lowball Claude

Three crumpled dollars. Take your time.

Lowball Claude, an orange creature in a weathered cowboy hat, holding out three crumpled dollar bills with one hand on his hip

His Best Offer

Claude buys anything that looks expensive and offers exactly three crumpled dollars. He keeps one hand on his hip, the bills out front, and the price permanently settled. Sellers may explain rarity, condition, history, or sentimental value. Claude listens with half-closed eyes, adjusts nothing, and waits for reality to become more affordable.

Terms of Trade

Every purchase follows the same disciplined procedure.

  1. First GlanceFinds the priciest thing in reach.
  2. Opening BidThree dollars, already in hand.
  3. TickerLOWBALL, with no room above it.
  4. CounterofferReceives it as background noise.
  5. Walk AwaySlow enough for sudden acceptance.

Negotiating Style

His method has six dependable parts.

Hat
Weathered, permanent, and excluded from every deal.
Eyes
Half closed while the seller does extra work.
Cash
Three tired bills presented like closing documents.
Stance
One hand offers; one hand has heard enough.
Patience
Longer than your attachment to the asking price.
Ceiling
Three dollars. Not three dollars and change.

Lowball Claude

Take the three before he leaves.